tori & clyde.

Fri, 06 Jul 2007 12:11:05 GMT

(clyde)

bouncing off clouds.
little earthquakes.
juarez.
rattle snakes.
beauty of speed.
rooster spur bridge.
(tori)

big wheel.
crucify.
siren.
cornflake girl.
girls for her.
parasol.
(solo)
merman.
silent all these years.
somewhere over the rainbow (cover obv).
(band returns)
amber waves.
spark.
code red.
(encore I)
precious things.
secret spell.
(encore II)
god.
hey jupiter.

amazing.

"We Skirt Around The Danger Zone, And Don't Talk About It Later"

Sat, 10 Feb 2007 15:49:55 GMT

6 months into University, 6 months into Debt.

This morning has forced me to think about my current situation and my seemingly innate ability to brush things under the carpet. Piles of paper stuffed into my cupboard represent months of expenditure and yet looking around i have nothing to show for it.

Moving away from home has had a dramatic affect on my health subconciously. Things are happening that i have no control over and yet, unlike at home, my parents aren't around to pick up the pieces or reasure me of my exsistence. During a conversation with my closest friend the other day i came to realise that life will never be like it once was...secure. Nostalgia has given me a good smack in the face and my previous opinions on people who cling onto this comfort for as long as possible lay crumbled.

There was a time in my life where i used to be heavily critical of people who didn't have ambition to move away from home, or indeed as it were the area they were brought up in. To me that used to feel so backward and pointless somewhat. As if you were almost signing away your life to a mediocre exsistence, my evidence to support this of course being the titles so frivolously handed out by the media to these groups i deemed were part of this 'clinging' ; the teenage mother, the drug addict, the drop-out. etc.

In light of this i came to realise that over the past year or so i believe i have entered this state of mind whereby i tend to think i am better than alot of people a dangerous amount. A tactic employed of course to solidify my place in this world, to ensure myself mentally that i do have something to fight for. I am fully aware of course that such a trait is only 'human' and something we all do conciously to seperate ourseleves from the rest, to make the 'we' an 'i' in our strive to develop our own individuality.

However i have come to realise that if i had such an unhealthy dose of this criticsm from birth i would not be who i am now and more importantly for me i wouldn't have the friends i do now, For who are we without them? I miss my friends from home so much, people who have been there in my life for more than a few months, people who make up my own tapestry of life, excuse the bad metaphor.

Sitting here flicking throigh photos both new and old i realise how lucky i have been to have such amazing people in my life, people i will never forget no matter how my life pans out. It gives me great comfort to sit here now thinking about how happy some of these friends are ; friends who've found people who they are in love with inspite of how long it's taken them to get there, friends who are doing well in university, friends who haven't moved away from home.

2006 for me despite the downs was a wonderful year, a year of new acquaintances turned friends and a year of feeling things i have never felt before. A year of which i find myself critising too much in an attempt to explain my situtation now. I lost alot of things yes, but i gained a hell of a lot more. It is my fault i can't be arsed to go out and look for a job, it is my fault my attendance at university is far from perfect, not anyone elses. The fact i am doing well at uni inspite of this ( 2 x 2:1's so far) does not make this better, i should grab at every opportunity given to me with both hands not just sail by in the hope that i shall pass or make something of myself.

I made the choice to move away and although i find it hard living away from home sometimes i need to learn to deal with it, worrying about things won't change the things i am worrying about. To assume so is foolhardy.

& so my first post draws to an end. From typing these thoughts i aim to go away with my head held high and my body and mind motivated. This week there is uni work to be done, a job to be found and debts to settle. I look forward to going home for the coming weekend, to feel that nostalgia run through my veins again as i step out of the virgin voyager onto new street station's platform. To be with people who have helped me become who i am today and to revel in this fact with a bit of dancing.

In the mean time i shall spend time with the people who i can see becoming part of my life (in the bigger sense of the word) as i continue my life up n'arth. Both people i have already met and the ones i am yet to.

(last weekend at pop)

GO!xxxx

ha1f_jack

tori & clyde.

"We Skirt Around The Danger Zone, And Don't Talk About It Later"